Editorial

6 December 2007

Greetings

The grandson of one of our members had been telling people that his grandma has become a 'weirdo' and that she went to a club where she met lots of other weirdoes. Got it? Of course the word his twenty-first century mind interpreted as weirdo was actually 'widow'. For several years I've been looking for a collective alternative for widows and widowers. Could 'weirdoes' be that word?

As I write the exchange of contracts for my new home should be taking place, a few days later than originally planned, and my intention is to move into the new house in the next ten days. I've been very fortunate in having no chain for either the sale of my cottage or purchase of this one but it's still been a time of waiting, dealing with the legalities, frustrations, concerns and the sheer weight of responsibility in making all the decisions alone. Throughout, I've been very grateful indeed for having in my life those family members, friends and professionals who, with their knowledge, expertise and experience, are helping me through the process and in whom I've put my trust. Forever independent and previously with the benefit of the wonderful practical skills my husband used to great advantage, it hasn't always been easy asking for help, but this time around and in the future, I'm more than happy to seize offers of help with both hands.

My new house is three years old, on three floors, and in a quiet close not far from where I previously lived. The patio is paved, secluded and just the right size for relaxed entertaining. It will be a joy to choose container plants for best effect and I can't wait for those balmy summer evenings when I can light up the garden with candle lanterns. Up on the top floor, with views across the countryside I'll be writing these newsletters, dealing with all the SSBCs activities, practicing on the keyboard, doing my sewing and perhaps even enjoying a bit bit of early morning disco dancing to keep me in shape. Oh yes! The TV is going up there too. I hardly ever watch it nowadays and would prefer to have the space in the sitting room. It's quite a powerful feeling being able to decide exactly how I want to shape this new beginning and next stage of my life.

Over the years that our Sunday Scene Breakfast Clubs have been running it's been interesting to observe how men and women gradually begin to gain confidence in their single status and to show strengths they perhaps never knew they had. Dress or hairstyle style is often the first outward thing to change, then the joining in with activities that appeal or arranging holidays with a difference, and then the taking up of responsibility for organising events or offering support to other member. All relationships require compromise and over time it's easy to lose sight of our own uniqueness, but in our widowed state, whilst in no way compensating for the loss of our partner, it does give us the opportunity to discover and indulge our true preferences.

I've just received confirmation of contract exchange so now it will be all systems go. Removals , telephone and broad band, council tax etc. etc. And Christmas!

On a Christmas note, if you're fairly recently widowed this may be a difficult time and you'll perhaps be at a loss how to handle it. In my experience it's easiest to get through if you have something planned to look forward to in the New Year and to do no more than you feel able to do over the festive season itself. You may want to ignore Christmas or spend the time in a totally different way, even with strangers, so that you don't keep being reminded of the one who's no longer here. Be brave enough to do what you want to do and what feels appropriate but try not to spend the time totally alone.

My thoughts are with you,

Jacquie