Welcome to the Sunday Scene

25 April 2008

Greetings……

……..and if English, wherever you are in the world, happy St. George’s Day!

It’s been a while since the last editorial but much has been happening and there always seemed to be a reason to leave it that little bit longer.

Websites need constant attention and updating, with the emphasis more recently having been on the technicalities of it rather than the input, but we’re now getting back on track and should also have a recognisable ‘home page’ before too long.

This website is set up as a resource for anyone involved with widow(er)hood, whether it be a bereaved person, a family member or friend, a health care professional, researcher or bereavement counsellor and we’re constantly on the alert for anything that might be of interest, comforting or helpful. However, the state of widow(er)hood is a bit of a taboo subject in our society and information hard to come by.

Time and time again I hear from our members how unprepared they were for life without their partner and whilst not wishing to sound morbid, there does seem to be a need for some advice and guidance in at least facing up to the prospect of widow(er)hood and discussing the possibility with our partners long before one of us is taken.   Those worse affected are often the surviving ones of couples who had lived for each other to the exclusion of all else, with few individual interests or friends to sustain them once alone.  Rebuilding a social life then becomes very challenging but could have been helped if each had developed some personal interests and acquaintances as well as shared ones and also tried their hand at some of the day to day tasks each assumed responsibility for in the home. A similar situation can occur where one partner has been the carer and life has revolved entirely around running the home alone and providing care twenty four hours a day, seven days a week for many months or years with hardly a break.  I described my own personal circumstances as having felt as though I was gradually pushed down a funnel and then forced out of the spout a tiny shadow of my former self.

Most of us appreciate so little of any of this before the situation arises, but as the saying goes ‘forewarned is forearmed’ and I’m sure we could help others to be better prepared.

Perhaps together, we can stir up some momentum for this!

Things have definitely progressed since moving to my new home last December.  Adjusting to a modern house after an old cottage has taken a bit longer than I expected, has given me much to focus on and has been very therapeutic. Now almost four years since my husband died, I feel I’m shaping my life in a way that suits me and can enjoy it. My bereavement counsellor friend says this is a recognisable stage of bereavement where the person gone is now in a comfortable recess of the mind (like a box on a shelf) and can be visited at will without becoming emotional or incapacitated by the experience. 

On the first day of each month I take a few photos from my bedroom window, the view being mainly of trees, shrubs and if I’m lucky, a Shetland pony in the paddock beyond.  It’s good to see how the nature year is progressing – from bare branches in January to masses of blackthorn blossom in February and March and now in April, those delightfully fresh looking spring green leaves, golden daffodils and yet more blossom on ornamental trees. The surprise this month was the unexpected three inches of snow early in the month so a few pics of that were included too. I may make a calendar using the photos at the end of the year but will definitely repeat the process in 2009 to prove to myself whether or not nature has chosen for itself a different timescale!

Now, my most exciting bit of news. Having recently visited a friend not seen for six or seven years, she has very kindly invited me to stay with her for a week in her little mountain village cottage in Spain and I’ve just booked my flight via the Internet! Having something to look forward to is all important whether it be a days’ outing, a trip to the theatre, a short stay with friends or a more adventurous holiday.  I hope you have something planned for yourself!

Jacquie